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"I've tried this online dating thing, and it's so weird. The worst thing about online dating is everybody puts the same hobbies down. You know what the most popular hobby in New York City is? Hiking and biking. We live in New York -- where the f**k do you hike? Are you, like, rappelling down the side of your building in the morning?"

By Veronica Mosey

The Gymnast

I was out with a group of friends for dinner and a friend of a friend joined us who I will call the Gymnast. He came in all short and stout and entertained us with stories about his job as a stenographer and the vast difference between what he does in the courts vs. doing closed caption work. Very interesting stuff, but his new found love of gymnastics is what I was really interested in. I couldn't stop asking questions about why he got into it, and where does one carry out these wild gymnastics fantasies. Well, at the end of dinner he asked me out and how could I resist a real live stenographer/gymnist! He took me to Fig and Olive, which was delicious and I asked more questions about his gymnastic prowess. I wanted to know if he wore a leotard and if so what color, and if his class consisted of 12 year old girls or other "straight" men who have a fondness for tumbling? With every answer he reminded me that he wasn't gay. I looked him straight in the eyes and told him that being gay is ok, and people will respect him more if he just comes out. He laughed thinking I was joking- I was not. At that time my friend came to meet up with us and we all went to a party the Gymnast's friend was having in the East Village. On the way there he told us that people thought his friend was gay, but he had a girlfriend so he clearly was straight. You'd think that for someone who was so "straight" he would stop talking about gay things, but oh no not the Gymnast. He went on to tell us that he thinks that when straight guys "experiment" it doesn't mean they are gay. I at this point could not take anymore gay talk with a guy I was on a date with and I called it quits.

Now I'm sure you have one burning question after reading this story and.... Yes, he did wear a leotard to gymnastics class and he has two, a black one and a light blue one. I'm sure the other guys in the class who joined to meet guys to "experiment with in a straight way" loved the light blue one best.